


Are You Missing Underwear?

by grapenight



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cats, M/M, Neighbors, Theft, Underwear Theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-28 01:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6308770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapenight/pseuds/grapenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em><strong>Are You Missing Underwear?</strong> </em>
  <br/>
  <em>Just to keep things brief, my cat has stolen a large amount of socks and underwear from a neighbor. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>I am very sorry. </em>
  <br/>
  <em>I live on Cherry Street.  </em>
  <br/>
  <em>If these are your clothes, please call 112-358-1321 </em>
  <br/>
  <em>I promise I will give them back, I wasn't the one who wanted them, it was my asshole cat. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <img/></p>
<p>Or, Harry's cat frequently steals Louis' underwear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Missing Underwear?

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this [post](http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/141322288653/cat-burglar-via-benji) . Also, I tried to find a good source for the original picture, but that was kind of weird, so let me know if you're bothered very much by that and I'll try to look again!!!
> 
>  
> 
> [Italian Translation](http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=3426697&i=1)

Harry started his day by slipping on a pair of underwear right as he got out of bed. 

"Fuck," he said as he got to his feet, reaching back down to pick up the underwear. Under normal circumstances, the only person Harry, who lived by himself, could blame for leaving clothes around the floor of his room was himself. This wasn't the case for him, since he was practically religious about putting all of his clothes in the hamper. He knew who the culprit was. 

"Smee!" Harry scolded, looking at his cat, who had been asleep on the end of his bed until being woken up by the sound of Harry's fall. Now he was sitting up, staring back at Harry, almost like he was mad at him for waking him up. "No, bad cat! I've told you to stop doing this!" 

Smee stared at him for a couple more seconds, before lying back down, seemingly unbothered. 

Smee really liked underwear. Also socks, because they were apparently easier to carry around in his little mouth, but he especially likes underwear. And he always dropped the underwear off right beside Harry's bed. 

It would be one thing, Harry's cat sitting his underwear out on the floor, but it wouldn't that big of a deal. Harry could just put them back away. But no. Smee liked stealing other people's underwear. Presumably from their own homes. 

Harry added the new pair of underwear to the pile of underwear and socks he had growing in his room. It was getting to the point where he was really going to have to do something about it. If Harry had to guess, Smee was stealing all of the clothes from just one person, who was an adult male, from what Harry could tell by his underwear and socks. 

"Why do you like this guy so much?" Harry asked Smee, who wasn't even bothered to respond. 

Harry sighed, and shook his head, vowing to start doing something about the underwear problem after he got home from work that day. 

 

 

 

"Your cat is the weirdest fucking thing," Niall said, as he helped Harry line up all the stolen clothes. 

"You're telling me. I feel like a failed parent. What did I do wrong in raising him?" Harry said, stepping back from where he had laid out the final sock to make sure the lines were straight, and all the items of clothes were visible. 

As if on cue, Smee meowed very loudly, at the same time scratching on the kitchen door, where he was currently locked up. They had to close him off from the clothes for the picture, because he knew just take off with some of them, if given the chance. He wouldn't take them far, just up to Harry's room, but Harry still wanted to have them all in place for the picture. 

Niall laughed, and shook his head. "He's a cat, I don't think you can do too much in raising him. I hope these are clean, by the way. Fuck, what if he's been stealing someone's dirty clothes?" 

Niall continued to laugh all the way to the bathroom, as he washed his hands. 

"They better be fucking clean," Harry said under his breath as he went to the kitchen, and opened the door, bending down to catch Smee before he ran and totally ruined all of Harry and Niall's work. 

"Now, Smee, you're going to be a good kitty for me, right?" Harry said, cuddling Smee close to his chest and walking back to the living room, where all the clothes were. Smee started struggling to get down as soon as he saw them. "Smee, what did I just say?" 

Niall came back from the bathroom, and took out his phone. "Are you ready to take the picture?" 

"Almost, I want to get Smee in the shot, in case someone might recognize him, and realize that's where all of their underwear has gone. Get ready to take the pic pretty quickly," Harry instructed. 

He leaned down, sitting Smee at the top of the area of clothes. Harry quickly backed out of the shot and said, "Now!" 

Niall took the picture, quickly, tapping a few more times for backup, and, for the biggest surprise of the night, Smee said peacefully on top of a pair of underwear the entire time. 

"Smee, why are you never that good any other time?" Harry questioned, staring at his cat in amazement. As if to prove a point, Smee ran off, scattering clothes everywhere. 

"Well. He was just for long enough for me to take the picture at least," Niall said, walking over Harry to show him the picture. Sure enough, Smee looked completely content, sitting on a pair of underwear, all of his findings spread out below him. "Weirdest fucking cat." 

Harry couldn't help but nod in agreement. 

 

 

 

 

"I really didn't mean to look at your personal things, sir, but this is probably the most unique thing I have ever printed out," The copier consultant said as he handed Harry his stack of papers. 

"You're telling me," Harry replied. He smiled at the man, "My cat is a little devil, honestly." 

"He's very cute though." 

"That's his defense mechanism so I don't throw him out. Hey, would you be able to hang one of these up somewhere? I really want to get rid of these underwear," Harry explained. 

The man laughed, "No problem." 

"Thank you so much," Harry said, handing over a flier. "Have a nice day." 

"You, too! Good luck," The man called out. 

Harry went back to his car, where Niall was sitting in the passenger seat, eating his burger which had been his payment for helping Harry out for the day. He handed the papers over to Niall to hold, and started the car. "So where should we put these?" 

"Probably just in the area around your house, right? It's not like he could go that far every night," Niall suggested. 

"I wouldn't put it past him, but you're probably right," Harry agreed. 

They proceeded to put up a hundred copies of the paper, on every post, pole, or intersection they could find in Harry's neighborhood. They even got the cashier at the gas station to hang one up. 

Each post read: 

_**Are You Missing Underwear?** _

_Just to keep things brief, my cat has stolen a large amount of socks and underwear from a neighbor._

_I am very sorry._

_I live on Cherry Street._

_If these are your clothes, please call 112-358-1321_

_I promise I will give them back, I wasn't the one who wanted them, it was my asshole cat._

And at the bottom there was the picture of Smee and all of his findings. 

"Do you think it will work?" Niall asked. 

"I hope so. I don't know what to do with all the stuff if it doesn't," Harry said. 

"Maybe you should teach Smee to not steal things," Niall suggested. 

"As if I have any power over Smee." 

 

 

 

The next morning did not start any better than the previous one. Harry woke up to darkness. For a few seconds, he was confused, until he realized that there was fabric covering his face, and that’s why it was dark. He pulled the fabric off his face, and held it up so he could look at it. 

It was a pair of underwear, much like the twelve pairs he already had, in a pile in the corner of his room. "Smee!" 

The culprit was lying on the end of his bed, staring up at him. He let out a short, happy meow. 

"These better have been clean. I have basically been breathing through them for however long they've been on my face. Oh fuck, oh fuck, why do you hate me?" 

Smee didn't reply, he just put his head back down and closed his eyes. 

 

 

 

The call came that afternoon. Harry had been home for about an hour when his phone started ringing. He saw the unfamiliar numbers, and answered immediately. "Hello?" 

"Is this the cat burglar?" A light, airy voice asked. 

Harry laughed loudly, and covered his mouth. Once he was able to catch his breath he said "Well, this is the owner, but yes." 

"I think you have about half of my underwear collection," The man on the other end said. 

"I am so sorry, my cat is the worst, well he's actually great, except for the fact that he's a little mischievous. And he bites sometimes. But only when he's mad. But yeah, it's totally awful that he's been stealing your things." 

"It's fine. I mean obviously, it kind of sucks, and I was so frustrated because all my underwear were disappearing, but I can't tell you how much I laughed when I saw your flyer. So when can I pick them up?" The man asked. 

"Whenever! I work until 3:30, but after that I'm free, for the rest of the week, even today. Or I could drop them off to you, if you want, because it is my cat's fault," Harry offered. 

"No, it's fine. I could come get them soon, if that's okay?" 

"That's perfect! I live on 2718 Cherry Street." 

"Okay, cool, I'll be there soon." 

As soon as he hung up the phone, Harry ran up to his room. He picked up the entire pile of socks and underwear and ran downstairs with them. Smee followed him, popping up from wherever he had been. He set the clothes down on the kitchen table, mentally reminding himself to go back and clean it later and looked around the kitchen for a bag to put them in. 

"Is it rude to put them in a grocery bag?" Harry asked, aloud. He wasn't above talking to himself (and Smee). "Maybe I should put them in one of those cloth totes. That's classier, right?" 

Harry rummaged around through his closet, looking for one of the totes. He found a light blue one, and inspected it, before deciding it would work. He turned back to the pile of clothes and couldn't exactly say he was surprised when he saw Smee sitting on top of them. 

"Smee. Down, come on. We're giving them back now," Harry ordered. 

Smee meowed at him. Harry approached the table and attempted to pick Smee up, but was swatted at, with claws out, immediately. 

"Don't do this now, please be good," Harry pleaded. He was about to make another attempt to pick Smee up, when the doorbell rang. "Shit." 

Harry sat the bag down on the table next to the pile, and went to the front door to answer it. He opened the door to reveal a man, roughly his age, with a messy fringe, sunglasses, and a jean jacket. He honestly looked cooler than Harry ever had in his life. Harry also talked to his cat frequently, so he guessed that wasn't saying much. 

"Hi," Harry said. 

"Hey. Cat burglar?" The man asked, smiling widely. 

"I prefer Harry, but yes." 

"I'm Louis," he said, sticking out his hand for Harry to shake. He did, and all he could notice was how small Louis' hands were compared to his, and the tattoo on Louis' wrist. If he Had to guess, there were more than that hidden up his sleeve. Probably other places, too. 

"Again, I am so sorry for my cat," Harry said. "And, oh yeah, where are my manners, please come in." 

"Not to sound judgmental, but have you ever thought about maybe not letting your cat outside? That would probably solve your problem," Louis said as he walked past Harry. 

Harry shook his head. "I can't do that. You don't know Smee. If I closed off his cat door, he might murder me in myself. I'm convinced he knows where the important veins are. He's devious like that. This morning, I woke up with a pair of your underwear on my face, because he was mad at me for something I did yesterday." 

"On your face?" Louis asked, his eyebrows raising. 

Harry's face grew hot, realizing what he just said. "Oh no, that was weird, I shouldn't have said that." 

Louis laughed, and shook his head, "No, it's fine, it's hilarious, actually." 

Harry put both hands on his face, covering his eyes, "This is so fucking weird and I am not helping, oh my god, I'm sorry. I can give you your clothes back, they're in the kitchen." 

Harry lowered his hands, and walked toward the kitchen, while avoiding looking at Louis. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Smee, still sitting on the pile of clothes. 

Louis stopped behind him, but peeked around his shoulder to see what Harry was looking at. 

"Wow, he really does like them, doesn't he?" Louis commented. 

Harry was prepared to apologize again, but Louis put his hand on his shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, it's really amusing." 

"I was trying to put them in the bag but Smee wouldn't get up," Harry informed him. 

Just as he said this, Smee got up from where he had been sitting, and jumped off the table, walking toward Louis, as if he was just trying to prove Harry wrong. Smee rubbed his head on Louis' shin, and circled his legs. 

"I'm done now," Harry proclaimed. "Do you want a cat? He likes your underwear already." 

Louis bent down to scratch at Smee's head, which made him purr happily, "Nah, I can't do that, it would take all the fun out of it for Smee if he didn't even have to sneak into my house." 

Harry started putting all of Louis' clothes into the bag, since it was best he did it while Smee was distracted. Once everything was put away, he gave Louis the bag. 

"Here you go, and can I just say that I'm sorry-" 

"You don't have to keep apologizing, I'm just glad to have all my stuff back. I thought for awhile my friends were fucking with me, but they swore time and time again that they had nothing to do with it. Thought maybe I was just losing everything." 

"I guess it is good you know where everything is going, now. I'll try to stop Smee from stealing anything else. I'm not sure how well it will work, though." 

"Maybe I'll just have to padlock all my underwear up. I bet this little guy couldn't take off with an entire shirt," Louis said, bending down once more to pet Smee. 

Harry couldn't help but notice how good Louis was with Smee. Which was absolutely saying something, because if Smee was badly behaved for Harry, that was no comparison for how bad he was for anyone else. Besides Harry's mother. He really loved her, which Harry could understand, since his mother was the best. 

"Alright, I should probably get out of your hair now, thanks for my clothes," Louis said, holding up the tote. 

Harry nodded and smiled, and then led Louis to the door. "I'll let you know if Smee turns up with anything else, if that's okay?" 

"Of course that's okay. See you around, Harry," Louis said, walking back outside. 

Harry didn't mean to be a creep, but he absolutely was, when he watched Louis walk down his street, back to what he assumed was his house. He lived really close, only three houses down, and across the street, which made sense, since Smee went there every night. Harry just couldn't figure out what about Louis' house was so appealing to Smee. 

Speaking of the cat, he stood in the window sill, also watching Louis walk away. Harry laughed, and scooped him up in his arms. "You're such a silly cat," Harry said, booping Smee on the nose, who simply meowed in reply. 

 

 

 

The next day, Harry decided to take down all his flyers, since they were no longer needed. He walked by Louis' house, trying his best not to observe Louis' house too closely. It was a nice, normal house, with a green yard, and even some goal posts in the backyard. He didn't see anything that would look extremely appealing to a cat. Maybe it was just Louis himself. Harry could definitely understand that, if that was the case. 

He took the flier down that was on the pole in front of the house beside Louis', and was facing away, so he didn't notice Louis walking out his front door. 

"Hey, Curly, what are you up to?" Louis asked, startling Harry, and almost making him drop his stack of papers. 

"Oh, hi Louis," Harry said, turning around to see that Louis was about five feet behind him. "I'm just taking my flyers down, since you know, I found you." 

"You want to know something funny? I didn't even see one of these first. It was actually my friend, Liam, he works at the copy center, and he sent me a picture of it, laughing about how a cute kid came into work to have copies of that made, and I recognized my underwear, and saw that we lived on the same street," Louis said. 

Harry had to admit that his brain stopped functioning properly after Louis had said the word cute. He wasn't even the one calling Harry that, but since he said it, it meant he didn't disagree with it, right? Did this human angel think Harry was cute? 

"Um, Harry? You okay?" Louis asked, looking concerned. 

"I'm great!" Harry exclaimed, "Perfect! But I have to go, lots of flyers to collect." 

Harry all but ran in the opposite direction. He was so useless with attractive men. So useless. 

 

 

 

Harry had grown so used to the pile of underwear and socks in the corner of his room, that he barely noticed when it started to accumulate again. It probably took a week before he noticed. 

"Smee!" He said, his automatic reaction to finding strange articles of clothing. "Are you trying to be sneaky and hide them from me? I'd say it wouldn't work, but it actually did, at least for a little bit. You're too smart." 

Smee, as always, had nothing to say in response. 

Harry picked up his phone, and looked in his call history for Louis' number. He found it, and called him. 

"Hello?" Louis answered. 

"Hi, it's Harry. Um, Smee might've been to your house. Maybe about five times? And I didn't notice until now, because he's been sneaky about it," Harry informed him. 

"Imagine if your cat was interested in diamonds or something instead. You could be making a fortune. Is it cool if I come pick my clothes up tonight?" Louis said. 

Harry didn't know what to say, it wasn't the kind of response he was expecting. How could Louis be so cool about it all, and continuously joke about it? 

"Harry? Are you there?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here, and you can come pick your clothes up whenever you want," Harry answered. 

 

 

 

Harry would like to say that Louis picks up his clothes, and the ordeal is done, but Smee, of course, has other plans. Every night Smee brings back another article of Louis' clothing. 

It happens so often that if was redundant for Harry to call Louis every time Smee brought something else back, so instead they worked out a system. Harry would text Louis every time he found another piece of Louis' clothes, just the word Smee, and Louis knew the meaning, and would come pick up his clothes about once a week. The longer this went on, the more time Louis spent at Harry's house each visit. He would talk with Harry, pay attention to Smee, and they would even watch some television together occasionally. 

Smee loved Louis, which was no secret, but the more Louis was around the more Smee liked him. 

"Are you sure you don't want a cat? I think Smee is just trying to tell me how muhc he hates me at this point," Harry said one evening, looking over at Louis and Smee, who were curled into an armchair. 

"He loves you, calm down. I'm just the cool uncle, or something like that," Louis said. He picked up Smee from his lap and held him up to his face. "Isn't that right?" 

"You're really nice to him considering he constantly steals from you," Harry pointed out. 

"Well it is because of him that I met you, so it is absolutely worth it," Louis said, sitting Smee back down, and smiling at Harry. 

It was extremely sappy, Harry shouldn't have expected anything else from Louis, the frequent cat cuddler, but Harry was still dumbstruck. "Do you actually mean that?" 

Louis stood up, causing Smee to jump down to the floor and run away, and went to sit by Harry on the couch. He placed one hand on Harry's knee, and used the other to tilt Harry's face toward him. "Of course I mean that. Can you not tell that I've been flirting with you for over a month now?" 

Harry's eyes popped open. "Um, what?" 

Louis laughed softly, "It's okay, I got a hint that you were a little slow on the uptake in that area. That's why I didn't lock the dog door in my house, even though I know that's how Smee gets in. It was fine with me because it meant to keep seeing you." 

Harry darted forward, connecting his mouth to Louis', placing his hands on Louis' hips to settle himself. Louis' lips were warm, and reminded Harry a little bit of spring. He was pretty sure there were flowers growing in his stomach now. 

Harry pulled back, but only so he couple place kisses on Louis' cheeks, jaw, nose, and down his throat. His skin belonged underneath Harry's lips, honestly. 

After a couple minutes of wandering kisses, Harry moved back to his lips from one last soft, sweet kiss, because backing up. 

"That was okay right?" Harry asked. 

Louis nodded quickly, "It's what I've been waiting for." 

Harry smiled at him, "Good." 

They were too wrapped up to each other to notice Smee approaching, walking on the back of the couch, until a pair of Louis' underwear was dropped on both of their heads, which were still close together. 

They sprang apart, and Louis grabbed the underwear, "Oh my god," He said, looking at them. 

Harry covered his face with his hands, groaning. Leave it to Smee to pull something like that. 

"I'm pretty sure that was payback for you making him get up a couple minutes ago," Harry informed him. 

Louis laughed, and reached out to pet Smee, who was still standing on the back of the couch between them. "I'm sorry, buddy." 

Smee was already purring happily, and Louis was apparently forgiven far quicker than Harry ever was. 

"At least he brought my favorite pair, that counts as something, right?" Harry said. 

"You have a favorite pair of my underwear?" Louis asked. 

"Well, yeah. Of course. The light blue is so lovely. " 

Louis laughed, and then exaggeratedly winked at Harry, "You haven't even seen them on yet." 

Harry smiled, "Should change that soon, then, huh?" 

Louis nodded, "Absolutely." 

"This probably goes without saying now, but your welcome to my house whenever, not just to pick up your underwear," Harry added. 

"That's good, because I was planning on it. And maybe you, me, and Smee can even stay at my house sometime," Louis offered. 

"Oh, Smee will definitely like that," Harry said. 

"I think it will be fun for all of us. We can just put Smee in my laundry room and he'll be set for hours of entertainment." 

Harry leaned forward to kiss Louis again, "Never thought I'd be so thankful for my cat burglar." 

 

 

 

"Let me get this straight, you're dating the dude your cat repeatedly stole underwear from?" Niall asked, after Harry had told him about Louis. 

"Yes," Harry said, smiling brightly. 

Niall laughed, "You realize, if you stay together and get married and have kids and stuff, you'll have to tell your kids this story one day?" 

Harry's smile grew even bigger. "Yeah, I know. Isn't that amazing?" 

"It's fucking unique, I'll give you that much," Niall said, still laughing. 

"It's perfect," Harry replied, a dreamy look on his face. "I really actually owe Smee for being such a weird cat. He's a blessing in disguise." 

A loud crash could be heard from the other room, and Smee came running out, away from the scene of the crime. 

"That's one term for it, I guess," Niall agreed, laughing even harder.

**Author's Note:**

> I probably need to stop writing tiny fics based on tumblr posts. This is the most I have written in a looooooooong time, though, and they're a ton of fun. Thank you for reading, I hope you like it!!!! Tell me what you think!!! And if you're into the whole tumblr thing, I'm [louiswolves](http://louiswolves.tumblr.com/) on there.
> 
>  
> 
> Okay now for some lame/fun things. There are a couple of puns in here. One is very obvious. Another one I think you could totally miss. Another thing, Harry's phone number is the Fibonacci sequence because I'm a dork. His address is the first four digits of the constant e. I promise I am not actually addicted to math and/or puns. Finally, thanks to Gavin Free for the cat name, can you tell that I love it??? Seriously, amazing name for a cat.


End file.
